An LDS Man Becomes Willing to Do Whatever It Takes to Overcome Porn Addiction

I received correspondence recently from a young LDS man who related his very personal experience about porn addiction and beginning his recovery that warrants sharing to a broader audience. If you’ve wondered what a guy who’s ready for recovery sounds like, please read what he has to say. We need more men like him in the Church.

20130321-225843.jpgMy name is Michael. I’ve been addicted to porn since I was eight-years-old when someone showed it to me. I never told my parents and the issue of pornography never came up. In those days, what parent would think that porn would be a problem for their eight-year-old?

Since learning in church several years later that it was wrong, I’ve spent nearly every day since for the last twenty-one years praying and reading my scriptures, trying to “cure” myself. Sure, it helps and sometimes I’ve gone two months with no problems. I actually managed two years without acting out while I was on my mission. And then out of nowhere it hits me again.

Even though I loathe it 99.9 percent of the time and no matter how much I don’t want to indulge, it only takes that one exposure to porn to send me right back down to the bottom of the pit. Then, I pick myself and once more being the long journey out.

After having a conversation with someone and praying recently, I finally really swallowed the last bit of my pride and realized that during this whole time that I’ve been asking the Lord for help, I was unconsciously and sometimes even consciously ignoring the very tools He’s provided to do just that!

God has provided counselors and programs to help us with these issues, and by refusing to put those tools to use out of pride, thinking we can do it on our own, we are denying the very help we so frequently pray for.

If insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, then I’ve been insane. At least for me, it’s time to let go of the last bit of illusion of self-control that I have, and realize that I can’t do it on my own. If twenty-one years of fruitless battles hasn’t taught me that, then I don’t know what will.

I’m tired of being a slave, whether it’s once a day or once every few months. Once is too much.

***

Michael has got it figured out. Really. He now sees God’s hand manifest through the experience, strength and hope of some of His other children. He’s going to let Heavenly Father work on him through the intermediary of others. Good luck Michael and God bless you in your recovery!

About Andrew+

Latter-day Saint, sex and pornography addict in recovery, dealing with depression, returned missionary, father of a bunch of kids, graduate degree, self-employed, Book of Mormon reader, writer and thinker. Working on understanding and overcoming resentment, the number one killer of addicts.

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