A couple years ago, my wife Claire wrote a fabulous piece about coming to understand where sex fit into the bigger picture of love as Heavenly Father has framed it. I think it’s one of the most important posts on this website and it doesn’t get the views that it deserves. I encourage you to read it and think about and share it with someone else.
Claire talks about how she somehow came to believe that sex was the most important sign of love and how that misconception has created a great deal of confusion and heartache for her. I can relate. From time to time, I’m hit by a recollection of some behavior from my past and realize once again that so much of what I thought was love was really just lust sloppily wrapped up in a cheap suit. It was a poor imitation of true love.
As a sex addict, my addiction had compromised my ability to love truly. I could only show what a sex addict thinks to be love behavior. For a sex addict, the greatest demonstration of love is sex. I really did love my wife, but as a sex addict, I thought the biggest was of showing that love was with sex.
It’s sad to realize that the most broken part of mind and soul is the part that deals with sex, love and connections with other people. And it’s also pretty frightening to realize that for so much our marriage, I was trying to demonstrate my love to my wife with those most broken parts of my mind and soul! Oh, how I wish I could have do-overs.
Like Claire, one of my favorite passages of scripture has always been where the Savior defines so simply what actually constitutes the “greatest love”: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). I am learning–and my wife Claire has been teaching me through the example of her life of loving service–that sex is not the most important sign of love.
Again, I hope you’ll take a couple minutes to read her post.