Sometimes we call because we are having a rough day dealing with the addiction or some resentment that could give rise to a desire to act out. Sometimes we call because we want to reaffirm to someone else our intention to remain sober for another day. Sometimes we call just to check in and say hi, because the act of checking in helps us get our heads straight, reminds us how good sobriety feels, and disrupts the addiction’s pattern of leading us into isolation and resentment. I have called other members in the program when I was having trouble. At other times, they have phoned me.

Once I got a call at 11:30 at night. Even though my friend didn’t say he was having a bad night, I could tell. We chatted for a few minutes about nothing in particular, expressed our appreciation for each other and said goodbye. That short phone call helped him stay sober that night, and helped remind me of how grateful I was to God for finally, after so many years, so many tears and so much pain, leading me to a place where I could recover from my addiction.

I have a sponsor now. He is one of the most remarkable men I know. His faith knows no bounds. His enthusiasm never stops. His smile is infectious. His insights are always just what I need to hear. He and I share the same profession. Like me, he is a husband and a father. And he has been in the SA program and sober for almost a decade.

I also serve as a sponsor to several men who are new to the SA program. Working with them is an opportunity for me to share the experience, strength and hope that have come to me as a blessing of recovery. It is a chance for me to save lives and saves marriages. I love to see that tiny spark ignite in their sad, tired eyes where they attend their first SA meeting—when they start to hope that maybe they’ve found what they were searching for—maybe this is the solution to the nightmare. I smile and tell them with confidence, “This will work—if you’re willing to work it!”

One of the many slogans of 12 Step programs is “One Day at a Time.” I work at staying sober and in recovery one day at a time. I recognize that I am still a sex addict and that I will always be a sex addict. That is my reality. But I also realize that if I do what is necessary, I can remain in recovery, which means complete and absolute sobriety. That is what I intend to do. Sexaholics Anonymous, with God’s help, inspiration and strength, will help me do that.

The picture of my addiction inside my head has changed now. I still see myself in the tiny rowboat and the battleship is still out there. But now, the fog has dissipated so that I can see the enormous size of my enemy and know that this battle is very lopsided. It is nothing like those two wrestlers in the ring. I know that I will lose if I just sit there by myself in my rowboat with my marbles.

But now I also see a bunch of other rowboats surrounding mine—not many, but enough—and recognize my friends from SA. They have blowtorches and drills and metal-cutting saws. They tell me to stick with them and they will show me where to cut and drill and torch to slowly dismantle that battleship piece by piece. They tell me, “We know how to chop this thing up, because we’ve done it before ourselves.” Sure enough, I can see their battleships lying in pieces in the distance. Some are neatly stacked, while others are in a bit of disarray. But it’s clear that their battleships are destroyed and they are now out there helping others dismantle theirs. One of my good friends in the program recently told me with a smile, “It takes an addict to help an addict.” I believe that.

Finally, what is the power source that all these cutting tools plug into so they can be used to chop up my battleship? There is no question in my mind. It is the power of a loving God who is mindful of me, my wife and my family, and who wants us to return one day into His presence. That is my hope.