LDS Men: Travel and Stay Sober

For LDS pornography addicts in recovery, it’s common knowledge that traveling is problematic on several fronts. Act-out triggers are plentiful while on the road. Being away from home in sometimes unfamiliar places is stressful. Being away from home can also be lonely. Travel to and from can be tiring. If you’re traveling with family, misbehaving children add anger and frustration to the mix. If the trip happens to be for a visit with family, there can be an entirely new layer of stress and resentment–the kind that distance keeps out of our heads and that proximity brings roaring back up to the front of the trigger line.

This week, I’m traveling out of state with my wife and kids. We left at 3:00 am last Thursday and drove for thirteen hours with only a few short stops to fill the gas tank. The kids did pretty well, but by the end of the drive, the picking and bickering had started. I was tired to begin with and was pretty much exhausted by the time we arrived at our destination where we’re going to spend a week with some of my wife’s family. Vigilance was paramount.

So what am I doing to stay sober? The short answer is that I’m carefully working my recovery program. My program works to keep me away from acting out. My program works whether I’m at home or out and about–as long as I’m willing to work my program diligently.

We arrived in town Thursday evening at 5:30 pm, just in time for dinner with the family of my sister’s wife. Forty-five minutes later, I excused myself and jumped in the SUV for a quick drive two cities over for a meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous–the Latter-day Saint pornography addicts best chance at true recovery. It was a small group, but the men there were serious about recovery and sobriety and shared great insights such being truthful and transparent with the wife even if it’s difficult. We chatted for a few minutes after the hour-long meeting and then I headed back to my sister-in-law’s house to put the kids to bed.

Although I missed an hour or so with my children, it’s a price we’re all willing to pay for sobriety. I learned long ago that–as far as my children are concerned–a sober dad beats a lust-drunk (short-tempered, vacant, self-absorbed) dad any day. In addition, I was blessed with a chance to meet other guys in recovery and learn from their experiences. I’ll go to another meeting on Tuesday evening. You can never go to too many meetings and you can never know too many recovering addicts. The more you know, the more likely you are to stay sober.

Scriptures: Important, But Not Enough for LDS Addicts

I brought scriptures, the White Book of Sexaholics Anonymous, and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I read the scriptures to increase my faith in the Savior and my understanding of the Gospel. I read the White Book and the Big Book because they deal speacifically with addiction-related issues such as triggers, resentment, fear and surrender.

The White Book and the Big Book do not replace the scriptures; the scriptures definitely do not replace the White Book and Big Book. I learned long ago to quit thinking that just because I was a Latter-day Saint with a nuclear-powered testimony, I got some sort of free pass with regard to addiction. I have to keep doing the tough work of rooting up and working out the character defects that caused me to want to self-medicate with my drug. Testimony or not, I need addiction literature to keep my head in recovery mode–even on vacation.

Since the start of vacation, I have made phone calls to other guys at home in recovery and plan to make many more. I do this not because I’m in trouble or on the verge of acting out. To the contrary, the phone calls keep me far away from the edge. They keep me honest and give me a chance to articulate my desire to surrender my addiction for another day. A few minutes on the phone here and there works wonders for the addict soul.

I am very careful about resentment. As the White Book and the Big Book make so very clear, when addicts quit acting out and get rid of their drug, resentment and fear swoop in to fill up the vacancy the drug left in the addicts’ soul. I know this. I know myself pretty well and am aware of my tendency to slip into self-pity and resentment at real or imagined injuries. When the resentment hits, I treat it the same way I treat my lust addiction: I connect with Heavenly Father in prayer. I acknowledge my powerlessness over lust, resentment and fear. I surrender my right to lust and resent to Him and ask Him to take it away. I ask Him to change me because in the areas of my addiction, I remain powerless and unable to change myself.

Get enough sleep--stay sober!

I am trying to get enough sleep. It’s always seemed strange to me that fatigue is a factor in addictive behavior. On trips, I have a tendency to stay up late and get up early–I’m trying to milk every second out of our vacation time. I pay for it, though, when I return home exhausted. Sometimes my most difficult times are not while we’re traveling but when we get home and there’s that post-vacation let down. For that reason, I also have to remain diligent when we return home.

There you have it. The secret to traveling and staying sober: meetings, program literature, phone calls, watching out for resentment, surrender to Heavenly Father, getting enough rest and watching out for the post-vacation let down. Recovery is a great place to be. And it keeps getting better. Being with my family and actually being present physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is turning this one into the best vacation ever.