I used to hate New Year’s resolutions. I hated them primarily because the one big resolution–to stop consuming pornography (forever, and this time I mean it!)–was so elusive. I wanted to “stop the porn” and had tried everything to stop. I’d tried everything a million times, but I always ended up going back a day, a week, a month or even a year later. No matter how hard I resolved, a New Year’s resolution couldn’t get me to stop permanently.

One of the crazy things about addiction is that it causes addicts to take things that are potentially righteous, wholesome and good, and warp them to a point that they actually perpetuate the addiction rather than overcoming it. New Year’s resolutions are a prime example. As the old year draws to a close, the individual resolves to regularly engage in something life-changing and beneficial such as an exercise program. Or he might resolve that come January 1, he’ll stop engaging in unwanted behavior. For the LDS sex and pornography addict, the resolution is usually that he’ll never look at porn again. He’s always serious. He’s always sincere. He always means it. And as with every similar resolution in the past, he always fails.

The addict finds himself in the unwanted but familiar downward spiral of self-loathing and misery. This is why New Year’s resolutions don’t work: Resolutions are all about willpower and willpower doesn’t work to overcome addiction! The problem is that addicts don’t know this or if they do, they refuse to accept it. They think that they, individually, are the exception to rule. They’re stronger, smarter and more spiritual than the common addict so they will make willpower work (even though it has failed to work a million times in the past).

The cold truth is that addiction is actually willpower run amuck. When you fight addiction with willpower, you are in really just fighting your own brain and it fights back with ten times more willpower! This is why porn addicts fail in their New Year’s resolutions every time.

So what’s the alternative? That’s the message of this website. Recovery from pornography addiction is possible and it is wonderful. But recovery simply cannot be achieved by willpower! Based on our experience and the experience of every other recovering addict we’ve spoken to, recovery comes only by surrendering to Heavenly Father, admitting defeat and then beginning a program of addiction recovery that includes therapy and an effective 12 Step group.

Of course this is exactly what addicts don’t want to hear. Addiction thrives on secrecy and isolation, and resolutions are all about isolation for addicts. Simply put, New Year’s resolutions–by themselves and without an effective and complete recovery program–facilitate isolation. Addicts don’t use resolutions in conjunction with a recovery program; they use them in the place of a recovery program. This is why they fail.

As I said at the top, addicts can warp good things so that they actually strengthen the addiction instead of beating it. Prayer and scripture study are prime examples for Latter-day Saint addicts. Trouble results when addicts try to use those isolating activities in the place of a recovery program rather than in conjunction with it.

So, New Year’s resolutions can actually be dangerous for LDS addicts because they lead them down a path to failure while giving a false sense of hope. The false sense of hope is not because there is no hope. Those of us in recovery are living proof of the hope. The false sense of hope is, like I said, that willpower will beat addiction this time around!

Instead of resolving merely to stop consuming pornography this year, I hope LDS men with a pornography problem will resolve instead to begin attending the Church’s Pornography Addiction Support Group (PASG)–or even better, to begin attending Sexaholics Anonymous. I hope they will resolve to make an appointment with a therapist who has experience treating sex addiction. I hope they will resolve to read all the essays on this website, starting with “The ABCs of Pornography Addiction” and “A Letter to LDS Wives about Pornography.” If they do these things, they will quickly come to understand why they need so much more than New Year’s resolutions to overcome the pornography. Gratefully, a loving Father in Heaven has put other recovering addicts further along the path to help addicts overcome their compulsions completely and enjoy all the blessings of life and the Gospel!

Happy New Year!